In a previous post I discussed why it’s important to look back on what we consider negative experiences and to look for the good that was in that experience for us. I’m a firm believer that you can find the good in any situation if you look hard enough. It may not be apparent whilst you are in the middle of one of those bad times, but once you’ve come out the other end and look back, you can choose to either continue to view that event through a negative lens, or you can change the filter on your lens and view it with a different perspective.
But what happens if a negative past experience was about something you messed up? Do you find yourself stuck in regret and guilt, just playing the event over and over again in your mind?
Looking back to see what you’ve learned from your past experiences isn’t about finding things to criticise yourself about!
So, what if you did mess up? Everybody messes up! The point is not about now beating yourself up because you messed up. That’s just carrying that negative energy of the event with you now and into the future.
The point of looking back, and looking for the good and the learning is to switch that negative energy around to positive energy, and to begin moving forward without the weight of guilt and regret.
Even when looking back and seeing a pattern of mistakes or repeated behaviours that haven’t served you, don’t fall into the trap of saying “I always do xyz.” If your learning is that you now recognise that behaviour pattern, why not turn the “I always do xyz” to “Up until now, I used to do xyz. Now, I do abc.”
For example:
- I always struggle to get out of bed early. / Up until now, I used to struggle to get out of bed early. Now I get up at 6am.
- I can’t save any money. / Up until now, I used to find it hard to save money. Now I put aside $50 a week, every week.
- I’ve always been overweight…/…Up until now, I used to struggle with my weight. Now, I eat healthy food and exercise every day.
The term “Up until now…” creates a break in the timeline of those repeated behaviours. It gives you the opportunity to create a new reality, or a new intent, rather than enabling the continuation of past behaviours.
This also means that there is no pretence or denial about the past. If you screwed up, you screwed up. There’s no benefit in suppressing, denying or regretting the screw up. That approach simply brings you down and keeps you stuck in the negative energy of the past event. It is also what keeps you repeating those same behaviours.
If you want to break the pattern you need to draw a line in the sand, leaving the past behind the line and creating a new, fresh start from this day forward.
