Walk the talk

I’ve run scores of training sessions and facilitated many workshops for leaders in different companies and across many industries.

One of the things that never ceases to both amuse and bewilder me is how leaders consistently fail to correlate the behaviours of their people with their own behaviours.

They will espouse all the right company messages, encourage people to do and behave certain ways and then seem completely perplexed as to why their people behave in another way.

When working with leaders in developing new company cultures I often run sessions dedicated to explicitly identify the right behaviours to support the cultural changes they want to see in the organisation.

After the behaviours are identified and that leadership group is all enthused, one of them will invariably pipe up with “We need to lead by example!”

Great idea!

What I also help them see is that they are already leading by example.

What they need to change is the example!

It can get very uncomfortable in those sessions when that realisation hits.  The behaviour the leaders are witnessing in their people is a direct reflection of what their people are seeing demonstrated by their leaders. Ouch!

In a corporate environment, a new employee may hear and read the messages about the importance of respect in the workplace, but when they see those leaders who are displaying arrogant or bullying behaviour being rewarded, the written and verbal messages have a hollow ring and the behaviour that is going to be replicated is that of bullying or arrogance.

But what about outside the corporate world?

Most people will easily identify teachers, politicians, sports coaches, heads of charities, or anyone else in a supervisory role as leaders.

The thing is, we are all leaders in some shape or form.  There are people in our lives, whether they be life-long connections or simply people whom we come across randomly, that observe our behaviours in order to assess what behaviours work or don’t work for the situation or environment that we’re in.

So what example are we setting?  Are we demonstrating the behaviours and actions that we expect of other people?

There is a big difference between telling someone what to do and demonstrating what to do, so if you aren’t seeing the behaviours that you want to see, have a look at the example you are setting.

Parents are probably the most important leaders on the planet as they set the example of what the next generation will become.

I remember, in the days when cigarette smoking was still common, seeing a parent who was holding a cigarette in their hand and telling their child not to smoke. What a contradiction.  And what a way to ensure that child will have gone on to smoke!

Telling a child what to do or not to do only goes so far. And actually, if what is being espoused is not being demonstrated, then you may as well not give those instructions at all.

That concept applies to us all and it can be very challenging to face.

We all know what we ‘should’ do.  What I find really interesting is that when we aren’t doing our ‘shoulds’, we come up with all sorts of excuses as to why.  Yet, even if we don’t follow our own advice we think that it’s OK to advise someone else of those ‘shoulds’.  And if they don’t follow that advice, how quick are we to judge and criticise them!  Talk about being hypocritical!

When you give someone advice or tell them what they ‘should’ be doing, you need to first look at what you are demonstrating.  Are you following that same advice?  Are you doing what you say the other person ‘should’ be doing?  Are you leading by example?  If not – then perhaps you better keep that advice and those ‘shoulds’ to yourself.

I too, have to ensure that when writing these blogs or recording my vlogs, that I’m visibly applying these principles to my life.

Do I always do it perfectly?  No.  But I work hard to maintain the awareness between what I espouse and how I act. And to be honest, the topics I choose to write on each week are usually topics that I need to remind myself about – to keep myself on track!

We, as human beings, love to talk. We love to instruct and we love to lecture about how everyone else should be.  But are we living what we are espousing?

Are we walking the talk?