Forgiveness is for our own benefit, not the for the benefit of the person who has done us wrong.
It is also a choice. A decision. An action. It doesn’t just ‘simply happen’.
To paraphrase a popular quote:
“To hold onto unforgiveness – anger, bitterness and resentment – is like us taking poison and expecting the other person to die.”
Harbouring those negative emotions is bad for our mental health, emotional health, spiritual health, and, if we continue to allow those emotions to fester inside us for long enough, then the repercussions of all those negative energies will appear through physical symptoms and impact our physical health.
Forgiveness does not mean making what the other person said or did, OK. Nor does it mean that you are giving permission for the other person to continue doing what they did.
Forgiveness is about releasing those negative energies that we connect to that person and those events.
Whether or not you choose to continue to associate with that person after you’ve forgiven them is a completely separate issue.
You may be hurt by someone, continue to maintain a relationship with them, yet still hold feelings of resentment, anger or bitterness towards them. Just because they remain in your life does not mean you have truly forgiven them.
On the other hand, do not assume that you haven’t forgiven someone just because you have chosen to sever ties with them.
So, how do you know whether you’ve truly forgiven someone for the hurt that they’ve caused?
Pay attention to the emotions that rise up when you think of the person who has hurt you. Do you feel any anger, bitterness, resentment, or do you still want them to make restitution? Do they still ‘owe you’? If any of those feelings are true, then you probably have some further forgiveness work to do.
If, on the other hand, you wish them well and hope that they live a blessed and happy life, then that’s a good indication that you’ve completed your forgiveness work.
Has someone hurt you? Have you truly forgiven them?
Look inside. The answer lies within you.
