Do I really want to see change in my life?

Would you like to lose weight?  Or get fit? Or change jobs? Or not struggle to pay the mortgage or rent?

Ask anyone these questions and you can be guaranteed that the answer would be an emphatic “Yes, of course!”

But ask if they are willing to change their behaviours and their habits to enable them to achieve those things, well, the enthusiasm seems to dissipate.

And then suggest simple steps to take and you’ll hear a plethora of excuses come up as to “Why I can’t do that.”

We all want that magic solution.

But, isn’t there a magic pill you can take that will shed those kilos from your body?  What about that exercise equipment that you can simply stand on and it shakes you into shape?  Aren’t there head-hunters who find you and offer you the role of your dreams?  And maybe there’s a wiz-bang budgeting app you can get that’ll track your spending so you can cut down on those lattés and miraculously pay off your mortgage.

Well, here are some tough words for you.

I bet that if those things existed and came to you, you would still find excuses to stop you from taking action.

If that magic pill actually existed and you had to simply take one pill a day, I bet you’d stop taking it after a while.

If there was a machine that could shake you into shape whilst you just stood there doing nothing for 10 minutes a day, I bet you would stop using it within a few days.

If some head-hunter called and offered you the chance of getting a new, exciting role, I bet you’d come up with some excuse to not pursue it.

And if you downloaded the budgeting app, you’d stop using it within 2 days.

Why?

Because what’s on the other side of change is scary.  It means life as you know it will be different. You’ll be different.  And even though you’re not happy with your weight, your fitness, your job and your finances, you are comfortable with what is familiar.  You can live with it.  You’ve been managing with all those areas of discontent anyway, right?

So what’s going on?  What’s the inner dialogue – often hidden – but driving your behaviours?   Here are some examples of what I mean.

If I lose weight, I’ll feel and act attractive again and have to face attention from the opposite sex, find someone, get involved and get hurt.  Ouch.  I’ll keep the extra weight on, thanks.  So, I’ll stop taking that magic pill.  Of course, I won’t admit to you or to myself that behind my lack of action is my fear of having my heart broken again.  Oh no.  What I’ll tell myself and will tell you is that the pill upsets my stomach, or, I keep forgetting to take it, or some other excuse.

Same story with exercise. If my fitness improves, I’ll look and feel better, I’ll have more energy, I’ll get out there, meet someone and… well… best to avoid all of that.  So, guess what I tell myself and tell you?  I have no time for exercise. I have a headache. My knee is sore.

Why try going for that new and exciting role?  I’ll get that job and find that I’m just as unhappy there as I am in the current one and I’ll have to face the fact that I really want to do something completely different with my life.  I don’t know if my idea will work.  Everyone will think I’m nuts. What if it’s a great success? Everything will be different. Nope. Too scary. It’s best just to stay in this job. Of course, the excuses I use will sound something like “I think they work long hours there. I won’t be able to do the school run.” Or “The increase in salary doesn’t warrant the extra 10 minutes commute.”

And then there are the money excuses.  If I take control of my finances, set a budget and stick to it, it’ll mean that I will have to say no to some things.  I won’t be getting the latest release of that smart phone. I’ll have to do without pay TV and watch free to air instead. I’ll have to cook instead of eat take away.

Oh, that’s just way too painful.  I won’t be able to show everyone how cool I am with the latest gadget.  I’d rather watch nothing than free to air – oh, hang on, that means I’d have time to do work on my dream and I can’t do that – too scary (as per the excuses above).  And cook? I can’t be bothered teaching the kids to eat what they are given and be grateful for it.

But you won’t hear me say any of those things.  You’ll hear – “The latest phone plan gives us an extra 100 gig for just an extra $20 each. That’s a good deal I can’t pass up.”  And “I want to relax in front of the telly – I mean really, I work hard and deserve the simple pleasure of relaxing in front of the telly and there’s nothing of interest on free to air.”  And “There are 4 people in this household and they are all fussy eaters – choosing from a take away menu suits us all.”

It’s time to get real.  Seriously.  If you are truly serious about wanting to change some aspect of your life but are unwilling or, (as you keep telling yourself and others) unable to take even the simplest of steps, then the first thing you need to do is have a good, hard look at what it is that you’re avoiding.

I’ll give you a head start by telling you what is not stopping you from pursuing your dreams.  No, it’s not a lack of time, money or energy. Nor is it your genetic make-up or your life history. And I don’t even believe it is a lack of desire. It’s the avoidance some underlying fear.  Avoidance of identifying it and avoidance of addressing it.