Take responsibility for your own emotions

My neighbours pass by my house every day as they take their dogs for a walk.  This morning I heard the wife having a go at her husband, her raised voice drifting up my hallway as she stomped by.  “No!  It was you who made me feel this way!”

Well, clearly, she felt put-out by something that he must have done.

How many of us have reacted in just the same way?  Someone says or does something that we don’t like, our emotions get out of control and, of course, it’s all their fault.

Well, here’s the hard truth – your emotions are yours and no-one else’s.  If your emotions get out of hand it is because you have let them get out of hand.  No-one can make you feel anything.  Your feelings are yours and yours alone.

We like to blame others because it means we don’t have to take responsibility.

Of course there are events that occur or situations that people create that we don’t like, want or expect.  But we can’t control what other people do or say. However, our response to those situations or events is the one thing we can control.

To ‘re-‘act to something indicates that the ‘act’ had occurred previously. When one of these ‘re-‘ actions takes place, it’s likely that the action was automatic – employed without any thought at all.

Someone cuts you off in traffic.  You react with anger – maybe loudly or maybe by just muttering under your breath.  You might say that “Idiot drivers make me angry.”   Well, idiot drivers can’t make you angry.  Idiot drivers simply drive like idiots.  You make yourself angry.   Come on… you do have a choice.  You could just ignore it, give them a bit more space on the road and stay focused on getting to your destination safely.

How about when the event is a little closer to home?  Your husband doesn’t take out the garbage.  You automatically get angry when he doesn’t do his share of the chores.  Well, the fact is that he didn’t take out the garbage.  You are the one who got angry about it.

This isn’t about justification.  You may have every right to be angry, sad or offended.  The question is, do you want to be?  And if the answer is ‘no’, then it’s you who needs to do something about it.

Handing over the responsibility of your emotions to someone else means that you are handing over the power of your peace and happiness to someone else.  Why would you do that? You’d then be at the mercy of every misdeed done or misspoken word said by anyone and everyone.  What a rollercoaster of emotions that would be.

The bottom line is that you do have a choice as to how you respond to something so, why not try exercising that choice.  The next time someone says or does something that you don’t like or want, simply take a moment before you react.  Press that internal pause button, take a breath and make a conscious decision on how you want to respond.  You might just be surprised at how much self-control you just took back.