As a coach and an organisational change manager, I regularly hear people make the following statement:
People hate change.
So, is it true? Well, yes and no.
What I have found in all the years I’ve been doing what I do, is that it depends.
People who choose to make changes don’t hate change. Yes, they will have phases of fear, discomfort, struggle, questioning whether what their doing is right or worth it. But, if the choice is something that they made, then the answer is no. They don’t hate change.
The ‘people hate change’ concept comes from a place where a change is foisted upon someone and it clearly and personally affects them – for example, a company restructure where someone’s role is no longer required, or someone’s partner or friend decides to end a relationship. For the receiver of that change – it’s direct and it’s personal.
The ‘people hate change’ concept can also apply when someone is making a change that impacts themselves, but it creates some sort of change in dynamics or a shift in the status quo that filters through to others. For example, a person doing self-development, getting more confident in themselves, changing jobs, changing their diet, etc. For the people around the person making those changes, well, those changes can feel confronting because just like the big losing-your-job change, it’s not in their control.
So, the issue isn’t really about change, it’s about control. When a dynamic is changing due to someone else’s actions, people can get really uncomfortable.
The reason I’m sharing this with you is because if you are one of my past, present or future clients, you need to be aware that the people around you may not take the changes you are making very well.
I’ll often say that if people truly love you, they will support you in your journey of discovery, growth and creating the life that you would love to live. The thing to remember is that when you are on that journey, it’s your choice. You have a level of control. Those around you don’t and they may start behaving like people who hate change. Their automatic response is likely to be to resist. You will hear them say things like: I don’t want you to get hurt, I don’t want to see you lose all that money, I’m trying to protect you.
Don’t be fooled. These sorts of statements are all about maintaining control over the status quo. They don’t want to have anything in their life change so therefore, they must stop you from making changes.
You have to remember that the people in your life aren’t getting coaching and support. They will truly believe what they are saying because they probably haven’t the awareness of how their mind works.
Remember, these are the same negative statements that you tell yourself when you start stepping out and doing something different. Your mind will automatically tell you that you are making a mistake, you are being selfish, foolish, you are going to lose all this money, here are all the reasons why things won’t work, etc. But that is your mind’s job. It is programmed to keep you in the familiar, so it will do all it can to derail, dissuade, distract and delay you from making any changes.
For those around you, their minds work the same way. They see change and their mind will do whatever it takes to stop the change happening.
Now, if you are working with a coach, whether it’s me or someone else, they will coach you through all of that negative self-talk. That’s one of the reasons you get a coach, right? To help you overcome what’s been blocking you from creating change all these years and help you get to where you want to be.
So, do people hate change? Not really. It’s more about needing feel like they are in control.
It takes courage to step out of the little box that others want to put and keep you in and you need to be determined to stay on track regardless of how those around you are responding.
