I recently saw a list that someone had pulled together on why people don’t change. It was a simple of list of three items. They were:
- The comfort zone;
- Learned helplessness; and
- The path of least resistance.
Let’s explore each of these a bit further.
The comfort zone
I’ve covered this topic a number of times over the years. This is where people are comfortable doing what they are doing, the way they are doing it, and who they are doing it with – even when it is causing them discomfort or harm, and when they know that the change will have a positive impact on their life. Of course, there are people who pro-actively seek out new things to do, new ways of being, and who love trying different things. However, there are far more people in this world for whom stepping out of their comfort zone is not an option. They don’t want to feel uncomfortable. They’re happy to settle for the familiarity and predictability of their current circumstances, even when those are harmful or unfulfilling.
Learned helplessness
This is where you hear people say “I can’t” to things that they do have the ability to do, rather than saying “I won’t”. I’m not talking about a true lack of capability – for example, I can’t fly a plane. I don’t possess that skill, knowledge or experience. I’m talking about the things we can do, but choose not to. For example, I can’t get up half an hour earlier and do some exercise. Is that true that I can’t? Of course I can! I have that ability. I may choose not to, in which case, if I’m being honest, I would say “I won’t” or “I don’t want to”. It’s not that I can’t.
Saying “I can’t” is a very handy excuse to lay the blame at the feet of someone or something else. It’s that victim mode where people look for sympathy or pity, or at least to get no argument from others. Whereas, “I won’t” puts them in the driver’s seat – implicitly acknowledging that it’s not about their ability, but rather, them making a choice.
The path of least resistance
This is where people are always looking for an easy way to get what they want. They want things to be different but they don’t want to put the effort into getting there.
I’d like to add a 4th reason to that list as to why people don’t change
Not owning your life results
This is where people blame events or other people for why they are the way they are, why life is the way it is, and why things will forever remain that way unless someone else does something about it.
Look – things happen in life. Terrible things. So of course, there are events, people, circumstances that have created challenges, caused problem, and even brought about misery. Bad things happen to people that aren’t their fault. But there is a choice to be made as to whether to hold onto and stay stuck in the circumstances or to move ourselves out of those circumstances and change our life results.
You cannot change whatever has happened in the past. No-one can. It’s only the present and the future where you can make a difference. If you want to experience life differently, you have to own where you are and you have to own the actions to change from where you are to where you want to get to. Blame won’t shift things. Resentment won’t shift things. Throwing self-pity parties won’t shift things. No-one else is coming. No-one else is going to do it for you.
If there are results in your life that you’re experience right now that you aren’t happy with and you want make changes, then think about those 4 reasons as to why people don’t change. Do you recognise any of them? Perhaps it’s time to:
Step out of your comfort zone.
Stop saying “I can’t”.
Put in the effort
And own it. Take ownership of your life and of the changes you will make.
